To Know I Have You
by JDDCdancer1497
Summary: Clare and Eli are strangers, but when a tragic event happens they will be forced together and neither one of them can stop it.
1. What Happens When

**Hello to all my lovely readers! This is in fact a new story, but like another one I write, this one is for someone! They came up with the idea; I just write and provide details! So this story goes out to: percabeth13. If I messed that name up, I'm sorry! Okay, please read enjoy and review! ;)**

**And this story is 100% dedicated to her friend! May, she rest in peace. **

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><p><strong>Eli's POV<strong>

My hands were shaking, my heart was racing. I couldn't believe this. I grunted, and groaned nothing seemed to make me better, stronger…nothing. I felt like almost everything in life was slipping from my grasp, and really my body depended on it.

"Dude, put down the five pound weights, I have to tell you something important." Adam told me. I set my weights down and looked over at him and glowered. "They aren't five pounds! But, anyway, what did you need to tell me?"

Everything became silent, nerves ending...man, I really got to stop reading so many books, my thought process is turning into one of them! "Well, here is the thing, I was hoping we could go to the Dot, I want to tell you and one of my other friend together."

I nodded at him, agreeing that I would go through with this plan. I got everything I needed, including: my phone, keys, and my wallet…oh yeah, and Adam! And we were off to the Dot in a matter of three minutes. I knew Adam had another best friend, and her name was Clare, and I was assuming that she was the one who we were going to meet, though I couldn't be too sure.

What was odd though, was that I have never met her, I know that she goes to our school and everything, but somehow we just seemed to never have to be together. I guess until now. When we got to the fast food/restaurant we walked in and Adam immediately went to a booth, with a girl in it.

My guess was that that was Clare. Someone I didn't mind, but that could all change from actually meeting her. "Eli, come here, this is Clare Edwards, Clare meet Elijah Goldsworthy."

"Nice to meet you Elijah, I have heard a lot." I stared Adam down. "Now, why would you introduce me like that, when you _know _I hate it when people call me that, it isn't me!" Adam rolled his eyes at me and told Clare to keep calling me that.

"Please don't." I have to admit I was a little harsh at her, after all, she did absolutely nothing wrong. I sighed. "I'm sorry." She smiled at me and forgave me instantly. Wow, never have I ever seen or heard anyone be so kind and forgiving. It was a refreshing change.

"So, Adam what did you want to say to us?" Clare asked sweetly, while taking her eyes off of me and moved to Adam's. I can see why Adam likes her, maybe, who knows, we could be friends too. She seems nice, and right now I think I need nice, aside from Adam being my only true friend.

He took a deep breath and said, "I'm sick." I scrunched my eyebrows together. Huh? He…made me drive here to tell us that? What the…? "Adam, I don't understand." Clare replied. Another big deep breath.

"You probably think that I mean I have a cold or the flu or something, but I don't, I have something worse…" The suspense was killing me, and I was starting to get scared. He was actually scaring me."I have leukemia." When he uttered those words I felt like grabbing the butter knife and stabbing myself with it.

"What?" Clare choked. I looked at her and saw that she was starting to get tears in her eyes. "Adam, you're joking, right?"

"I wish I were." He stated sadly. Oh my, God. How could this- I put my hands on the table, gripping so tightly my knuckles were turning white. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Clare holding onto Adam for dear life. But to the other side, I saw many laughing and smiling, having the time of their lives.

Do they not realize that their lives may be perfect but people are dying out in the world! People like Adam, good wholesome people that deserve to live and not have their life cut short because…exactly! Because of what? What could possible make this happen.

I don't understand. I felt a hand on top of my right one, and when I looked up, I looked straight into the eyes of Adam, and everything was becoming blurry. That is when I realized that I was crying, crying harder than I ever have in my whole entire life.

The three of us gripped onto each other like our lives depended on it, which in reality I think is what was in the back of our minds, maybe if we just held each other, he would be okay. The thought alone made me sick to the core. I had no idea what to do or how to react, to think. I just feel useless in my own skin.

**Clare's POV **

"_Clare, sweetie, where are you off to?" My mom asked me when she saw me heading for the door. "Oh, mom, I thought you were at the store." She smiled at me. "I was just going to come tell you I was leaving." We laughed at the irony of it all. "So, dear where are you going?" _

"_Well, Adam called me said he needed to speak to me, and that it was important. I am meeting him and one of his friends in like ten minutes, or well, I am supposed to." My mother grabbed her purse and smiled warmly at me. "Would you like a ride? I could drop you off before I head to the store."_

"_Sure, mom thanks." We walked out the door, and my mom locked the front door of our house, when we got in the car and she started it up I looked at her. "Mom, Adam sounded almost…scared. And, that makes me scared, what if something is really wrong?" _

"_Oh, dear, everything happens for a reason, and I am sure it can't be that bad. Just pray and I promise everything will be just perfect."_

Looking back on this morning and reviewing what went on with my mom and I. I wish that she was right, that everything was fine. That my friend wasn't dying, that I had basically no one else. With Alli being gone away at her all girls' school, Adam was the only friend I have at Degrassi.

After I spent about two hours with Adam and his friend at the Dot, I went home. I could have called my mom to come pick me up but I didn't feel like talking to her about it or about anything. I just wanted to do nothing, basically.

I made a little detour and stopped at the park first, I sent a quick text to my mom saying that I was okay, and was still out with Adam and his friend. I didn't need her worrying and I wanted to be left alone…

"Hey." Came was voice, sad and rude. I looked to my left and saw Adam's friend. If only I could remember his name…but I knew I wouldn't be able to think of it, I could barely remember my own name. I sighed and sat down on the bench, next to him.

When we looked at each other straight in the eyes, we just couldn't help but start to sob all over again.

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><p><strong>So I hope you liked the start of this, please stick with it, this story is going to be one you don't want to miss, I promise! Reviews make me happy!<strong>


	2. To Accept

**Thank you all so much for the support in this story, it truly means the world to me! I hope you enjoy the second chapter of To Know You Have Me!**

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><p><strong>Clare's POV <strong>***Two days later***

I entered the hospital with tears in my eyes, I couldn't help it, they just wouldn't stop. They just ran down my face so freely, without a care in the world. Two days ago, after Adam had told me that…he was dying, I just fell apart, but after the night in the park with his friend Eli, something even more was going on.

**And I had no idea what it was.**

As much as I hate to admit it, he was very supportive. He let me rest my head on his chest and cry and cry, until there were no more tears to be shed. I heard his cries at rare times, I think he was trying to hide it. Which only made me feel worse, since I was just falling apart on his lap, a stranger's lap.

I don't know how to explain it exactly but as I sat on that park bench with him, everything inside of me changed, and I haven't felt the same since. But my mind wasn't focusing on that right now, actually I didn't care about that at all.

I entered the part of the hospital for, well you know…and when I spotted Adam and his mother I rushed over. When I got there and more inside the curtain, I noticed Eli was here too. That didn't surprise me, considering he is Adam's bestest friend in the whole wide world. Adam's words, not mine. He also said they like to pretend that they have a 'bromance' going.

I'll admit that I am jealous of what they have at times, and I am not ashamed to say that. But, I know that I am Adam's best friend too, just in a different way. To think, though, that I won't be having that stupid jealous feeling inside though kills me. It literally tears me apart inside.

"You came?" Eli whispered to me like it was a question. How could I miss it? Of course I'm here, you aren't the only best friend who is here. I wanted to say, but the smile on Adam's face forced me against it. So, I just smiled and told him a small, "Yes."

"Okay, Clare, there are needles, like really long needles…and well, I am scared!" Adam told me with wide eyes. Adam has always been one to be afraid of needles, I never understood why, and when I tried to ask he always pushed it aside or answered 'you wouldn't understand'. And look, he was right, I don't…and probably never will.

Right when I was about to say something though, Eli beat me to it. "Come on, dude, you'll be fine. You got through it the first time, with limited screaming and kicking. Hey, kicking the nurse out was really funny-"

"Excuse me, but, is your name Clare?" I cut him off, yes, I know. But what he did was just way too rude. I couldn't let it slide, and I wouldn't. You can't do that, especially when the statement wasn't directed toward you. "No, but I can have an opinion."

"Maybe, but the polite thing to do is wait until the said person that the sentence was directed to answers." He rolled his eyes as I heard Adam mutter an 'oh dear'. "Look, princess, chill. Okay? I had no idea you were this much of a total drama queen. I mean Adam said you were nice and the greatest person a guy could ever meet, yet I am still waiting to see if she ever shows up."

"Screw you." I shouted as the tears came down even faster. But this time, they were for more then one meaning. I hated him, and I had to get out of there. I turned on my heels and ran through the maze of hallways in the hospital before finally finding the exit. Just as I was about to go through the doors and never turn to look at the hospital again, I felt a hand tug on my arm. I turned around and came face to face with Eli. I threw a fit, and not the good kind. "Clare, stop, people are staring."

I pushed and screamed even harder and finally got free from his grip. I spit on him next and tried to walk out the door but then I saw two security guards surround me and Eli. I immediately got scared. Instead of going away from Eli, like my original plan, I curled up into him, feeling like a five year old little girl with her daddy who would protect her.

He put his arms around my shoulders and sighed. "I'm sorry, for the inconvenience, sirs; she has just had a rough day. I mean her best friend has cancer for goodness sake. Let her be angry at me, it was my fault anyway. Really, she means no harm; she is like the sweetest girl you'll ever meet. A goody two shoes if you will."

The security guys put a sympathetic look on their faces and one went to the front desk while the other stayed closely to us. I am assuming he was asking the medical assistant if I was being disruptive to anyone else, besides Eli, and obviously she said no. Because all I got was a warning…and then they apologized to Eli.

Eli's arms were still wrapped around me, and I had to admit I liked the comfort they gave me. It reminded me of the night we found out about Adam. So, I wrapped my arms around his body and I instantly felt his grip on me get tighter. My face was buried in his chest when I said my apology, fully knowing he didn't hear it.

"I know you are, and I am too. I shouldn't have said what I did, especially since it is clearly not the truth. Your upset, I am too. Really, Clare, I never meant to make you so hurt." It surprised me that he heard my apology, but, what surprised me more was blaming himself for my lashing out. I sighed and got out of his grasp and took a seat on one of the waiting chairs. Eli kneeled in front of me.

"It isn't your fault, ever since we found out about Adam, I just haven't been myself…or the same me at all. I hate it, I have been blaming my parents and even getting into heated arguments with them, which I never do. I'm just-"

"Grieving?" I looked up at him through my tears, I could barely see him. He took his thumbs and brushed them away, but he kept his hands in place, the never left my face. "It is a way to grieve, Clare, it's normal. You say you aren't normal, but Clare, normal for you is going to be different. You never had your best friend d-die before and-oh God."

And then it happened…

**Eli Goldsworthy broke down, right in front of me.**

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><p><strong>Alright, so I am writing this super late at night, but I wanted to do it, because I wanted to get it up for percabeth13, I felt bad that I hadn't updated in forever! So, please review for me? And if not for me…then for her? Thanks. ;) <strong>


	3. The Life I Have

**Please don't hate me! I know this is very late, but I did warn you that my updates would me very rare for right now…it will turn around eventually though! I promise…but for right now if y'all will just hold on for me! I do really appreciate it! **

_**IMPORTANT!**_ I don't like it when people do this…but in this case I kind of have to so…..we are now one month later then the last chapter, okay? I hate to do this to all of you, but it is the only way to make this story work, alright? Alright! ;)

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><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

I was at my locker putting away the books that I don't need any more for the day. When the lunch bell went off I jumped. I have been a bit jumpy since…I found out about Adam. Everything has been weird lately, actually. It was weird that he no longer came to school…it was weird that the only time I really saw him was when he was in the hospital.

It's weird that the only person that I'll talk to now, besides Adam, was Eli. It's like as Adam is slowly dying, I am becoming invisible, and no one really cares. I even feel at times as if Eli really does. I think sometimes he is only being nice to me because of the situation we are both in with Adam.

It is sad to say…but-

"Hey." I dropped the books in my hands as I heard low voice. I turned around and saw Eli standing there looking rather distant and not focused. I bent down to pick up my books but he stopped me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He said as he picked all of my books up.

He handed me the books without even looking at me. I scrunched my eyebrows together. "What's wrong, Eli?" He looked at me as if I had lost my mind. "Did you read the text Adam sent this morning?"

"I got my phone taken away because I haven't exactly been treating my parents the way I should…so." I blushed a little because I am the good one. I never get punished! I smiled half heartedly and got his phone out…and shoved it into my hands.

Then my heart sank.

_I hate to text you both this…but I didn't want to wait. The doc says I'm not getting better only worse. They suggested that I go off treatment. I have two weeks left._

Eli's phone dropped out of my hands and onto the floor…I wouldn't be surprised if I broke it but I really didn't care, and it didn't look like Eli did either. But then I looked at his face.

"Clare! How could you just drop my freaking phone like that! You probably broke it. What the hell!" He yelled right in my face, and I didn't even care…nor did I feel sorry about his phone. I just stared…but then I felt a hand come into contact with my cheeks and heard a slapping noise. I realized then that he just slapped me.

And I couldn't take anymore. Between the text, Adam, and Eli…I just couldn't. So I ran. I ran out of the doors of Degrassi, pushing people around so I could have a clear path and not be stopped. I heard people call me a 'bitch' or a 'whore' but like everything else in life right now…I really just didn't care.

I heard footsteps following after me, but I didn't have the courage or the will to even look back. All I saw was the road ahead of me and a car. I didn't think to stop, I didn't think to move…but when I felt something big hit me, I had a feeling it was the end.

**I was content.**

"Ow." I muttered grabbing the back of my head. What? Why wasn't I dead. I saw the car screech to a stop and I looked over beside me and saw Eli there with his arms around me in a protective embrace. I didn't recognize the woman that came running toward us, or the man right behind her.

"Eli! Eli, are you alright?" She was by his side in two seconds holding him in a loving embrace. "Yeah, what the hell were you two doing? Sneaking off to go do the nasty?"

I scrunched my nose in disgust…at even the thought, and especially with _him. _Someone so repulsive and arrogant, someone who may have a sweet side, rarely shows it, and doesn't really care when he doesn't. Someone-

"Are you alright, Clare? What were ya' doing?" Eli asked me but I brushed him off, and pushed his arms away from me. Standing to my feet I looked down at Eli and the hysterical woman. "I'm sorry about your phone."

If only you heard the way I sounded…not apologetic and bitter. But you know what? I didn't care at all. "Clare!" Eli called though I wasn't very far away from the three, nor was I running like before. He could catch me if he wanted to and a few more steps I realized he didn't.

I kept walking until I felt two arms wrap around from behind me, stopping me in my tracks. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, my phone doesn't matter. You do, Clare, and I'm upset about him too. I guess we just handle things a bit differently."

"You think?" I spat back, and with little struggle I was free of his grip, but only for a few seconds, as he grabbed again in the same way he had before. "My parents are telling Principle Simpson that we are going to leave early and go see Adam. You can have a ride with us if you'd like."

He whispered it in my ear and after his last words he walked away from me. I could here him getting further and further, and for some reason with every step he took, I felt my heart break just a bit more. It was strange and an unwanted feeling that took over.

I had two options here…walk by myself all the way to the hospital, get there just before visiting hours were over or, I could go with Eli and what I guess are his parents and get there in thirty minutes. Well…..I bet you can guess which one I chose.

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><p><strong>I'm sorry again that it has taken me this long to update and that it is a tad short. I have been insanely sick for the past week, and well we are all lucky that this even happened! Hope you enjoyed, and please review!<strong>


	4. Worth Living

**Considering, that I am writing this for someone, I can't just stop writing it, if it was my own story I would because I'm not getting many reviews. So I hate to do this, but I am going to start putting a review requirement on this story…so please for me and her, review! Thanks~**

**Warning- **If you get emotional at sad things….you have been warned!

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><p><strong>Eli's POV<strong>

I was sitting in the waiting room, with Clare curled up beside me, she had cried herself to sleep on me. I didn't care though, I felt as if I was going to die. I wanted to die. I wanted to scream to whatever was out there take me and kill me.

I didn't want to be a part of the living anymore. I felt the girl lying on me squirm, I looked down and noticed that her cheeks were soaking wet, and not from her tears, but from mine. I didn't bother in moving, though it has been five hours since…since…

I have just been sitting here, wasting time that is stupid and meaningless. The words similar to "you're fault" stood out to me. I knew no one blamed me, or even would give it a thought. But to me, I am the one and only reason this happened. And I should be punished for it.

Some lady must be a nurse, told me that I could leave. I just sat there and stared at nothing in particular. I didn't respond nor nod. I didn't even blink. I think she got the message because a minute later she was no longer standing there. The room was crowded with people, but I felt so alone.

I looked down at Clare again and saw that her eyes were now open and filled with tears they were streaming down the sides into her ears. She reached her arms up and locked them behind my neck. She was now sitting on my lap and I let her cry into me, as I did the same to her.

We must have been there for hours until my parents came and picked us up. Bullfrog had to pry Clare off of me and practically carry her to the car. I stood up slowly, seeing a family talking to the doctor. Relief was evident on their face, and were now crying happy tears.

"Not everyone is as lucky as you, you know? People died today! And all you care about is your-"

"Eli, come on. I'm so sorry; he's had a terrible day." My mom held my arms and forced me out of the hospital. "Terrible day doesn't even begin to describe anything." I spat to my mom. I got into the car next to Clare and slammed the door shut. It was silent the entire way home.

Now, Clare lies in my bed, tossing and turning…seems like she is having a bad dream. I felt nothing for her…not even hate, like normally. I didn't feel anything right now. Which I liked, I didn't deserve to feel. I didn't even deserve to be breathing right now.

So I went into the bathroom that was connected to my bedroom and opened the top drawer on the right. I reached in and grabbed what I was looking for, I placed it on my wrist and just as I was about to swipe,

"Eli!"

**12 HOURS EARLIER**

I was laughing my ass off to the jokes Adam was telling from those pale chapped lips of his. He was the funniest person I know, I can't imagine my life without him. "Oh yes, Adam, because that would totally happen!" Clare mocked him, as he held his hands out in defense.

"Hey! I never said based on a true story! It was just a joke, jeez woman!" We all started laughing again, but it only resulted in Adam having a huge coughing fit. The first few times this had happened, Clare or I always would push the red button, telling a nurse to come quickly.

But after a while, we knew what we had to do, and that it wasn't necessary to push the emergency button. Adam was always so calm though, and even as he was so sick with no hair and pale as can be, his attitude and personality never changed.

It was always nice to see his family surrounding him, whispering comforting words and hogging him the entire time, but it was awesome when his family went to the cafeteria or home for a little while so that I could hang out with him alone…and with Clare.

It didn't bother me per se…but I would have liked just me and Adam time. But I understand that Clare is in the same position, and no matter how much I dislike her, I would never say leave to her. "You alright, dude?" I asked him while rubbing his shoulder.

He smirked and nodded. He always found it amusing at how concerned Clare and I got. I didn't understand, but he claims it's because "I'm not the type to actually seem to care". Which I do! In cases like this…in cases like this.

"You both need to smile more when you are around me. You depress the crap out of me. Come on!" Adam exclaimed to the both of us while lying back down. I guess his words were true, we probably did act differently around him, and everyone did. It's just hard, and I guess it's hard to understand if you aren't in the position we are in.

"Sorry, Adam." Clare muttered while taking her seat next to Adam's bed. I sat down again too and secretly put my hand on Clare's. I could tell she was getting upset, and when she gets upset everyone does…and I just didn't want that right now.

She looked at me with a knowing look, and blinked back the tears we both know she had coming. Once she settled and was alright she gave me a soft smile before removing her hand from mine. We turned back to Adam and he had a huge smile on her face.

"What?" Clare and I asked unanimously. He laughed a little and kept that huge smile on his face. "I swear you two are falling in love!" My eyes went wide, as well as Clare's; we looked at each other and struggled for a reply, both of us coming up empty. "You see! You can't even deny it! You two will end up getting married, I swear!"

"Ha-ha, like I could ever be with _him _like that. I'm sorry, Adam, but your friend is insufferable. I barely can stand being in the same room with him, let alone spending a lifetime together!" She shuddered with horror. Adam laughed yet again at her reaction, but still disagreed with her.

"I'm not marrying her, dude. If it wasn't for you, I'd be pushing her against lockers, and mocking her every move. I can't stand her. No offence, Clare." Adam barked a laugh and held his stomach as Clare looked at me wide-eyed. "What?"

"Eli, you can't even bad mouth her without apologizing, at least she stuck to her acting!" Adam explained to me and that was when I realized what I said.

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"And I wasn't acting, I really cannot stand him! He is arrogant and annoying and doesn't care about anyone but himself! I honestly don't know why you are friends with him." Clare said, and as much as I hate to admit it, that kind of hurt me. I may be a little rude, but I have always been there for her when she has needed me with Adam. And I was not about to let that one slide.

"Hey, now, I have been the one there for you with Adam! I care in a way, I may not be in love with you like Adam says, but I haven't been rude to you in this whole situation. Take it back!"

**Silence consumed us.**

"You might as well set a date now…we all know that I'm right! I hear wedding bells, in your future!" We both looked over at Adam with annoyed glances, but we ended our conversation at that. Five minutes later Adam was really getting tired, so we let him sleep. By this time, his family had come back in and Clare and I were pushed to the back of people.

I didn't mind though, we had been with him for about seven hours. I grabbed Clare's hand and pulled her out of the hospital room, and dragged her to the waiting room, where many many people waited for their loved ones fate. We took a seat and sat in silence.

"Why do you think Adam "knows" we will fall in love?" Clare asked suddenly. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion to see that she was sitting in her chair facing me. I followed suit, might as well talk to the only person worth talking to here.

"Hmm, I don't know why he thinks that. But, don't worry it won't happen." Clare sighed and rested the side of her face on the back of the chair. I saw that she was trying to hold back tears again…for me. She knows I don't like to think about it too much, because let's face it. The two weeks are up and we all know it is coming soon.

She was blinking furiously, but a few tears still fell. She went to wipe them quickly, but I grabbed her wrist. I got closer to her face and whispered, "it's okay, you can cry." We were on a love seat type of a chair so there was enough room for three people to sit comfortably without the arms of the chairs being in the way.

She crawled closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder as she let tears run down. I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her face to cry on my chest. I rested my head on top of hers, and closed my eyes. I heard footsteps walking, coming closer and closer. I looked up to see Adam's doctor…with an apologetic look.

I shook my head. "No…no. Is he-?" Clare sat up and looked at the scene before us, the doctor placed his hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry." My breathing became ragged and my heart was beating so quickly it felt like it would jump out of my chest. The whole world around me went black, and I was the only one here at the moment.

I felt something cling to my side and I looked over at her…she was the only one who understood. She held onto me as if her life depended on it. Normally, I could do something to comfort her, or make her feel better, but really what I needed was someone to cling onto too.

So I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her as if I was suffocating her. We stayed there like this for hours, until finally she fell asleep, and life just seemed not worth living anymore.

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><p>"Eli! Eli, what are you doing?" Clare's shaky voice rang through my ears. I looked over at her pressing the razor even harder, almost breaking the skin. "Life isn't worth living anymore, Clare…there is nothing to have me keep going." She took in a shaky breath and walked toward me. "You have so much, E-li. You can-n't do t-this…please."<p>

"What have I got anymore, Clare? Nothing!" She placed her hand over the razor carefully, picking it up gently. "You have your parents…and Eli, you have m-me." We collapsed to the floor, leaning against the bathtub. I looked over at her, tears clouding my vision.

"You have me too."

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><p><strong>Oh dear….I hope I did this justice! I was told to make it very emotional…I hope I did just that! Okay, so I will be updating when I get 8 reviews, and I will not update until I get that many! So, please review!<strong>


	5. Lost In My Own Way

**You all are truly amazing! Thank you so much for actually reviewing, it really means a lot! I'm glad that I got more reviews than I asked for, so please keep doing it, it honestly inspires me to write!**

**Warning- **the aftermath of what happened is still sad, because it was a tragedy…so this story is still sad. Some language.

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><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

It has been week since the tragic death of Adam Torres, and I still haven't felt any better. Somehow my mom got me to be able to take a week off of school, and I am so thankful that she did. I still felt like hell, but I was better than last week.

Drew had yet to make his return, but I totally understand why, if it took me a week to even be able to try and force myself to come to school I can't even imagine how it must be for him…and his family. As I got closer and closer to my locker I was dreading this day even more. I didn't know what to think, or do, I felt hopeless.

**Like I had no life anymore.**

I finally got to my locker, and tried to open it. I just couldn't though, and I have no idea why. After the fifth time of trying to get this damn thing open I game up and slammed both of my fists into it. I felt a gentle hand on my back, and I jumped and turned around hitting the person with my bag.

"Whoa, take it easy, Clare." It was Eli's voice. I had been around that voice for this past week; I would be able to tell that it was him from a mile away now. Eli and I had gotten a tad closer after the first week past. I wouldn't call us friends, but we were definitely closer than before Adam.

As much as I think we both want to admit it, we need each other, especially right now at school. Well, for me at least. "Sorry, you startled me." He had in between a smirk and a smile, but you could easily see through it. It was as if he was lost or something.

He did have a moment of weakness a week ago. Placing a razor to his wrist. We haven't talked about it since it happened, though. I don't know if he is embarrassed, or just not in the mood to discuss anything about himself. "I can see that. Do you need help with your locker?"

I nodded weakly, looking pathetic to the people that surrounded us that had no clue to what had just happened to one of their fellow classmates. As I thought about it though I realized that I'm not the pathetic one, they are. "CLARE!" I shook my head turning my attention back to Eli. "Huh?"

"Locker combination? I need it to open this." He was calm, and yet I knew he was very sad on the inside, he looked as if nothing were the matter. I heard the second bell go off after that, and every student that was crowding the halls fled to their classes. Yet, Eli and I stayed put, not moving an inch.

"How are you so okay right now?" He looked taken aback from my sudden outburst. But, I mean, come on! People are brave and like to look not upset, but sometimes you just have to feel. And I personally think that this is a perfect time for one of those times. "I'm not okay right now, Clare. You of all people should know that."

"I know you aren't okay on the inside, but you are putting up this brave face, like nothing can tear you down. Don't you just want to be upset, scream, and maybe even cry in front of someone who isn't me! Eli you just have to let yourself go and be upset."

"Everyone has a different way of coping, Clare! You can't judge me or say that I'm not dealing with what happened to Adam wrong! You just have no right in doing that. We aren't even friends, and if it wasn't for Adam, I would have never looked in your direction, let alone speak to you!"

He was angry and upset about everything around him, I knew that, but what he just uttered to me was just uncalled for, and I wasn't about to put up with it. "You are supposed to be the one who can be there for me! You are the only one who is in my position. Everyone else doesn't care or is actually family to him!"

"I can't always be there for you, Clare. Learn to take care of yourself. Adam always said that you were the strongest person he knew, someone to push through all the crap life delivers. But the Clare I met and know is probably the weakest, spineless person known to man-kind. And I have come into contact with a lot of people, Clare."

"Well, the Clare you met was the Clare that I became after I found out my true best friend was sick and only had a limited time until he died! I'm not the same Clare, Eli! But, you wouldn't know that because you never looked my way before Adam got sick. He always used to get the three of us to hang out, but you always had somewhere else to be."

"Clare, I have a life, you know? Adam may have been the only thing in your life, but he sure as hell wasn't my entire world!" I gasped slowly bringing my hand to cover my mouth and just let the hot tears run down my face. My back came into contact with the lockers and I let gravity do the rest.

I moved my hands to cover my eyes, and I buried my head into my lap. I felt something, or better yet, someone sit next to me. They pulled me into their side and just held me. I knew it was Eli, not just because he was the only one in the hall, but by the way the person smelled.

I had become quite familiar with this incredible smell, it was comforting. I wonder if I associated it to comfort because whenever I was around him, he was comforting me in a way. He moved so that he was in front of me. He removed my hands from my face, and told me to look at him. I only shook my head in response.

"Come on, Clare…please?" I contemplated it for a bit before slowly raising my head to be met with his piercing green eyes. "I'm sorry about what just happened. I'm upset and angry and you are truly the only person I feel comfortable with to blame. But, know Clare that I don't blame you, I'm just-"

"I know w-what you m-ean. I'm s-sorry too-o." My voice was cracking left and right, at first I didn't like that Eli had always seen me at my worst, but I truly didn't care now. It was like he said, in this situation; I did feel most comfortable with him now. I launched myself toward him and he held me in his arms just like he has done so many times.

I heard footsteps, and I knew that I was about to get into a lot of trouble, as well as get Eli into it too. I didn't care, though. I felt another hand on my back and so I pulled away from Eli to look up to Ms. Dawes. She had an understanding expression, but told us to follow her.

I looked over at Eli with a concerned look on my face, in fear that he would be mad that we were going to probably get a detention for cutting class. We were taken to the principal's office, of course, I knew it. Ms. Dawes told us to wait outside while she went in, about two minutes later she came out and told us to go home and get some rest.

Eli and I walked out of the school, it was weird because no one was flooding the halls, or right outside the school. It was nice, peaceful even. All good things have to end though. "My mom won't like the fact that I was excused today for crying in the middle of the hall and cutting class. Ugh, why am I such an idiot?"

"You're not an idiot, I can assure of that. And, if you don't want your mom to know, then just don't go home yet." I looked over at him as we finally came to a stop beside his hearse named Morty. It still creeped me out to even look at it. "And where do you suppose I go all by myself at 9:30am?"

He smirked at me and held the passenger door open to his creepy car. I have been in it, sure, but I still hated it. I got in though, because honestly I didn't feel like being alone, and the only person available right now was this guy, so why not? I am a teenager, might as well be spontaneous.

After he shut my door he went around to the other side got in, and started up the car. "Okay, where do you suppose we go at 9:30am?" He looked over at me sadly and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently. "Sit back and relax, it'll be a while until we get there."

"And where exactly are we going?" I didn't like surprises, especially from a guy I don't know. "Somewhere I should have told you about a long time ago."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, guys! <strong>

**10 reviews gets an update!**


	6. Forever Alone

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but as you may or may not know I didn't get my asked number of reviews. But anyway I decided to add on anyway, because I had missed writing this story! It is one of my favorite to write so please read further and then leave a review telling me what you think. Thanks~**

**Warning- a little language, but nothing major.**

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><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

I didn't know whether to feel frightened or worried. I don't know why but I couldn't just sit back and relax as Eli drove down the road. With each stop light and stop sign we passed my feelings grew more and more intense. I have gotten to know him a bit better but not enough as to know what he's thinking.

"Will you relax? I'm not going to rape or kill you." His words surprised me, it had been quiet the entire drive. I didn't think he would notice the uncomfortable feel I was giving off, he was driving after all. "If anyone should be nervous, it should be me."

"Why? Where are you taking me?" He sighed loudly and kept on driving, completely ignoring my question in the process. I could only stare at him, more like if looks could kill he'd be dead. But soon that smirk of his was on his face and he let out a small chuckle. "Stop staring at me. You are truly giving me the creeps."

"Now you know how I feel being in this car with a mysterious person going to who knows where!" I rolled my eyes and lifted my arms up for emphasis on how mad I was getting. Even though I really wasn't that mad, I just wanted to know where we were going and to know that I would be safe.

"I am not some stranger to you, Clare. We may not be besties for ever, but it isn't like I randomly picked you off of the street and said 'hey baby let's get out of here and have a good time'. And for the record I know where we are go-why are you laughing so hard?"

I couldn't control the laughs that erupted from inside me; it was just all too much. I realized that it felt good to laugh. It had been a while since I just truly let out a laugh because something was so funny or that I was having a good time. "You just said in the _worst _seductive voice, hey baby let's get out of here and have a good time!"

"Hey! I do not have the worst seductive voice ever! I'm just…um." He tried searching for another word, but let's face it he just wasn't good. His face scrunched up into a tight ball like form and I have honestly never seen something cuter than that. I giggled at his face and when he looked at me I saw those very piercing green eyes. Those eyes made me forget about how worried I was to have no clue where we are going. "Yes, my eyes are powerful."

I looked at him in confusion. "You said that my eyes made you forget every-" I squeaked and cut him off. I said that out loud? How embarrassing! I felt my cheeks get redder and redder by the passing second. I turned my face away from him and toward the window."It's okay, Clare. Besides we're here."

Taking a deep breath and trying to push what just happened out of my mind I looked around. It looked like a regular old street. I saw kids outside running away from their parents and an old couple walking side by side holding hands. "Where is here exactly?"

Eli sighed deeply and turned off his car. I felt him moving around and when I looked over my shoulder I saw him facing me hands in his lap and his eyes never leaving the seat. I followed his stature and faced him, but I kept my eyes on his.

"_Clare, come on! He isn't a bad guy, you just have to talk to him." Adam told me. I rolled my eyes at him, while looking at his supposed best friend Eli._ _"Adam, no! I don't want to talk to him nor do I want to get to know him. Why can't he just remain your friend?"_

"_Because you two would really hit it off! You both have so much in common, you would truly never stop talking about your boring shit!" I stared Elijah Goldsworthy down, he was dark and mysterious. The type of person that basically had the word DANGER written on top of them. "You know I wasn't the one who didn't show up when you wanted the two of us to meet the first time, he was!"_

"_I know, Clare, but Eli was scared. He thought that I set it up so that I could hook you to up, and no I do not mean sex, I just mean like a date. He got worried and didn't show. It's perfectly understandable." Maybe to him and Eli, but to me it was just plain rude. No one should stand a person up no matter what! "It's perfectly understandable that he could never date someone like me? Yeah, that's great."_

"_No, Clare…look, I can't tell you the whole thing but what I can tell you is that he did it for his own good. Stuff happened to him a couple years ago and he is still upset and mad and every emotion you could possibly have about it. He just needed time."_

"_Well, what about now? Now doesn't he know that you just wanted us to meet so that the three of us could be friends?" Adam nodded his head to me. He opened and closed his mouth but no words came out. He looked as if he was trying to word it together as to not give a secret away. "He's embarrassed."_

_This shocked me. Eli is embarrassed? That is just the strangest thing ever. Adam must have taken my confused face into having to explain further. "Standing someone up to him is like the worst thing that you could possibly do. He feels awful about it, because he really does want to meet you, he's just embarrassed. And worried….that you would harass him about standing you up."_

"_Did you tell him that I wouldn't do that? That I'm not that kind of person?" As Adam went on and on about this Eli, I felt even more bad for him. Something had obviously happened to make him not come, and now he didn't want to do anything with me because he was afraid? "Of course, but Eli doesn't like to take risks when he knows he could hurt someone."_

_I tried asking Adam what that meant but he wouldn't tell me, and after a while I respected his wishes so that he could keep his secret for his friend. I admired Adam so much; he was truly the best friend a girl could ever have._

I didn't realize that I was crying until after I came back from remembering that conversation. For some reason that conversation stuck with me…it was still so vivid, I could probably tell you about that entire night without a problem. Maybe God made me remember that specific moment on purpose. I tried not to think about it as I wiped my tears away.

Finally after ten more minutes Eli looked up at me, with those green eyes of his. But this time they were full of pain and sorrow. I have seen these eyes so many times, but I had a feeling that the reason we were on this street had nothing to do with Adam.

"D-do you remember that time, the v-very first time Adam tried to get us to meet?" I remember every detail I wanted to say but instead I just nodded my head. I think it would be best if I just let him do all of the talking. "Well, because I thought Adam was setting us up on a date, I didn't come. I wasn't ready for a relationship; I couldn't do that to myself…or you. I don't ever want to hurt you, even way back when I didn't know you I didn't want to hurt you."

He honestly wasn't making any sense to me, but I could tell Eli was on his breaking point. A point I have only seen once in him. He was the type of person that didn't like to be pitied. And I know that all of this was probably insanely hard for him. So, I nodded my head for him to continue.

"Clare…Adam wasn't the first person that was extremely close to me to die. My very first girlfriend was, Julia. And, a-and I killed her."

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><p><strong>Did you know that if you don't review the earth will stop spinning? <strong>

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**Yeah, not really….but if you don't review this story won't be updated as frequently, and that's just as bad. NOT! But you should still review anyway!**


	7. Something Deep Within

**So….I would really like more reviews for this story. I don't think there are enough right now! So please, even if it is short. It is still nice to get some feedback.**

**Warnings-teehee, um, I'm not telling you!**

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><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

"Did you j-just say that you killed her?" He only nodded his head while he stared back into his lap. He looked ashamed, and I was starting to fear for my life. Was he planning on killing me too? Is that it. "How'd you kill her?"

Why did I ask that! Stupid, stupid Clare. God, you're so idiotic sometimes it's hard to be inside your own brain. He wouldn't look at me and I hated that. Why wouldn't he look at me? He took a deep sigh before finally looking back into my eyes.

"We had a fight, a bad one a-and she took off on her bike…it was late and pitch black outside, but I made her so upset that she went anyway. She got hit by a car; she was killed instantly from the force to her body."

I stared into his eyes, terrified of what to say. How do you respond to that? I don't want to make him more upset he is already in a fragile state, you can tell. I didn't know what to do and I knew just sitting, staring at him wasn't the best idea either. "Yeah, you don't have to say anything. I know you are freaking out right now, but Clare. I promise…I'm not going to hurt you, ever."

I still only stared. This was all too much for my fifteen year old brain. I couldn't think straight, my mind was just racing. I felt like I was going to die, literally. And I know that sounds bad because my best friend just died and Eli is sitting here telling my about his late girlfriend and I-

"Clare? Would you like me to drive you home now?" Silence consumed the both of us yet again. I felt terrible for Eli but I didn't know how to show or tell him. Now I was scared that I would push some sort of boundaries he has. Well, that is a refreshing change of pace, normally guys have to do that for me.

"Alright, I'll take you home. Don't worry; I won't ever hang out with you again." He turned around facing the road and turned the key in the ignition. My mind was screaming at me to stop him, that if I didn't we obviously wouldn't hang out. Because he was afraid? I guess.

I gently touched his hand that was still on his set of keys and making him turn them until the car was completely off. He looked over at me and I could see unshed tears wanting to fall so badly. I placed my left hand on his cheek as my other remained on his hand.

He closed his eyes at my touch and it was then that a small tear fell from his eye. I saw him go up to his face to wipe it away but, I beat him too it. Gently, I swiped my thumb against the liquid on his cheek. He opened his eyes with an almost stunned like expression. "I doubt you want to hear from me that you didn't kill her, seems to me you have heard that a lot and you still blame yourself,"

"But believe me when I say that you didn't, and hopefully one day you see that too. Eli, you are a great person. I understand, now, why you blew Adam and I off that one day. I mean, I don't have personal experience with that type of thing, but I know that it must have been so hard to think you had to replace your girlfriend."

"She isn't my girlfriend anymore, Clare. She's dead just like Adam! And soon you'll die too along with Cece and Bullfrog and then I'll be left with no one! I'll be all alone, Clare! And I can't handle all alone. Not now, not ever. It's hell, Clare. I was a walking piece of sh-"

"Don't you dare say that! It isn't necessary to curse like that. I get that you're upset and I'm sure that this is not my place to say because we probably aren't even friends in your mind. But Eli, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I know that what happened was "hell" for you, but life goes on. She died, Eli, but you didn't."

Eli glared daggers at me. It was as if his eyes were telling me he hated every single part of me and there wasn't anything I could say that would change the fact of it. "Then you obviously don't understand. And for the record, when Adam died you were the one falling apart. I held you together, Clare! I did that, no one else."

"Yeah, you think I don't know that, Eli? If it weren't for you I would be way worse then I was. And of course I was falling apart, my one and only best friend died! I had a right to be upset.

"Yet, no one else can be when someone else dies? I see how it is. Miss Clare Edwards gets special treatment because she is special and blah blah blah. Don't give me any of that crap. I have a right to be upset about Julia!"

"I never said you didn't have a right to be upset, I said you cannot blame yourself for her death. Dying happens after life, Eli, it's just what happens. God needed Julia, but most likely she wasn't a Christian seeing how you are so she probably didn't go to heaven!"

Eli was taken aback by those words, and I immediately knew that I had gone too far. Who am I kidding? I knew it before they came out of my mouth, so why didn't I stop them? Probably because I was so angry at that moment and wanted Eli to feel my pain. "Eli, I'm so sorry. That was wrong, I shouldn't have said that!"

Eli sat back in his seat and looked over at me. He wasn't angry or even upset, he almost looked content. And when I saw a small smile form on his lips I became utterly confused. He started to laugh lightly but that only lasted a second then it turned into a full on laughing fit.

I did one of those pathetic, ha ha things. You know, when you laugh a little because the person you're with is but you have no idea why their laughing. "Um, Eli? Are you okay? Why are you laughing so much? Nothing we just said was funny!"

His laughter didn't die down until after a few more minutes but when he finally stopped, still smiling widely, he looked me in the eyes and said, "How do we always end up fighting with each other no matter what? I mean, honestly that is all we ever do!"

I blushed at the accusation, I never want to be known as someone who is unreasonable or who gives another a hard time. "And there is that freaking adorable blush again, I swear that'll be the death of me."

My eyes bulged out of my sockets and so did his. He obviously wasn't meaning to say that, at least not at this time and moment. I smiled a big smile though, I just couldn't keep it off of my face any longer. I scooted closer to him and whispered a thank you to him. For what? I don't know, but that didn't matter.

He smiled at me too and just when I thought he was about to kiss me he backed away shyly. My heart was about to jump out of my chest, seriously, it was beating so fast and hard. Eli, Adam's best friend, almost kissed me! "Oh, what the hell."

I was confused but then I felt two incredibly soft lips on mine. I couldn't think straight and I had no idea what to do, but I guess I didn't have to know. My body took over and kissed him back. I thought that this should feel wrong, but it didn't…not at all.

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><p><strong>Not long I know, but I'm not really up for writing right now.<strong>

**Reviews would be nice. ;)**


	8. Escaping The Truth

**So I now truly know what it feels like to lose someone you're insanely close to…which is why my updates have been few and short. And it took me forever to finally make myself sit **down** and type up this chapter. It hit me harder than I ever imagined. So, please, bare with me?**

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><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

In one moment I felt soft tender lips on top of mine, the next I felt air and nothingness. For once since my best friend's death I had felt whole again. Eli made that happen, well, Eli's lips made that happen. I was stunned at how everything just played out.

He went back to a normal seating position, starting up his car not saying a word. I feared that he didn't mean to do that. It isn't like it was bad, I mean I don't like Eli like that, no way, gross. Or well, maybe the word gross isn't the right- oh, Clare what are you doing to yourself?

"Eli?" He didn't even look over at me when I said his name. He didn't do anything except put on his seatbelt and start driving. I had no idea where we were going, but that wasn't the part that bothered me. What bothered me was that after everything that has happened, including just now, he's just ignoring me.

**Is he even stable right now to be driving?**

"Eli? Are you okay, maybe you should-"

"I'm fine, Clare, okay? Just because my old girlfriend died, and I'm responsible doesn't give you any right to call me crazy or unstable. I can see the look in your eyes, I get it all of the time from everyone. Don't even bothering hiding it anymore."

"I wasn't saying that you were unstable. But emotions run wild and we were just talking about a touchy subject for you, that you cannot deny. I'm not trying to sound like a shrink, here, or even like a friend. I'm just talking as a logical person."

"Oh, so now I'm not a person with logic? What did I ever see in you? God." He shook his head furiously as he started to drive faster and faster. I clutched onto the handle for some support, in fear that he was going to kill us or someone else. He glanced at me for a second and the back to the road.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to scare you, please relax." As he spoke those words the car moved much slower, it almost felt as if we stopped because of how fast we were going only seconds prior to this moment. I felt relieved but still terrified as anything.

My shoulders relaxed and I wasn't clenching my thighs together anymore. But my grip on the door and my breathing were still "unhealthy". So, when Eli came to a stop at a stoplight he reached over and grabbed the hand that wasn't clenched on the door.

He moved his thumb over my hand with soothing circles, back and forth he went. It was sending unfamiliar chills down my spine. Not that I was complaining or anything but it definitely felt different then anything I had ever experienced. I took one deep breath in and let it out, feeling immensely better.

I smiled briefly at him before looking back towards the road, as did he. I expected him to let go of my hand, due to the fact that the light was now green and he would have to start driving the car again. But he didn't, he kept his hand on top of mine, never moving it. He did, however, stop rubbing circles over my hand and just held it.

And then it happened. He turned my hand over so that my palm was facing up and he interlaced our fingers so that they meshed together. I took a slight second to realize how perfectly his hand looked in mine. That sent another, different kind of chill down my spine. A chill I would never forget.

Even though our bodies were touching through our hands and we were connected in a way, the silence in this death car was slowly killing me. I wanted to break the silence with all that I have in me, but I just didn't know what to say. This was awkward enough without throwing words into the mix. Then, he suddenly cleared his throat,

"So, the Lakers? Good game yesterday, huh?" I looked over at him, seeing his face completely straight eyes glued to the road. I took in what he said, well, I surely wasn't expecting that. I couldn't help but laugh at the sudden outburst. I think his plan was to make it comfortable, and comfortable he made it.

"Sorry, I don't really watch sports…is that a football team?" He scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion at my reply. His face was still straight besides that, until I saw a small smirk form on his face. "I actually have no idea, I'm not a big sports fan myself. I just know that they are a very famous team. To what sport though,"

"I don't know." I finished his sentence for him, he almost looked shocked as he stole a look from me. My eyes had not left his face since the moment he started to speak. And in that moment I realized I never wanted to look elsewhere.

But I unfortunately had to look away when the car came to a halt. I looked over my shoulder and saw my surroundings. It looked awfully familiar. "Here we are casa Edwards. Home of the very talented and bright Clare Edwards."

I smiled at him, "And by all of that I mean get your butt out of my car, woman!" I rolled my eyes but still had a huge smile plastered onto my face. I got out with ease, picking up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. I saw Eli already up at my door waiting.

"Well, Eli thanks for telling me about-you know, everything. And thanks for just being honest with me. Please, also, take into consideration of everything I said, okay? I meant every word of it, you really shouldn't blame yourself, Eli. It wasn't your fault, I promise."

"Well, thank _you _for letting me be honest and not judging me. I wasn't going to say this but I was so terrified of what you would say or think of me after you knew. But it seems like, right now, that nothing has changed. Maybe we are just a little closer now."

"I like that idea, Eli. I love the idea of getting closer to you. I'm so thankful for so many things in my life, including you. I will never give up on you, and nothing I repeat nothing will change what I think of you."

"Even if I actually did kill my girlfriend…purposely?" He was testing me, I could feel it. Hell, I could smell it. Anyone could if they looked hard enough. This boy was so confusing yet amazing. Adam was right, Eli is for sure a mystery.

"Well, if that were true, you wouldn't be here so I wouldn't know you. You'd be rotting away in prison, probably on death row." I winked at him just for good measure, and the smirk I got in return told me that I was doing something right. This is such a perfect moment.

**I don't think anything could ruin it.**

"Um, Eli about that kiss…" I trailed off, not knowing exactly where I was going with it. If I tell him that it was okay what he did he may start to think I like him. But if I tell him it was the wrong thing to do he'll think I'm judging him and not talk to me. Clare, why did you even bring that up?

"Why don't we forget about it? Pretend it never happened, okay? It was a stupid mistake, like you said emotions run wild. And I guess that the emotion that you were calm about me was just too much for me to just sit there. Never talk about it again, sounds perfect. Aright, see ya' later, Clare. Bye."

He walked back towards his car quickly and hopped in faster than lightning. You could see him struggling with the keys to finally get into the ignition and turn on, but once he got them in he drove off very fast. Faster than when I was in the car. All I could do was pray he'd be okay.

I shook the thought out of my head that was the last thing that I needed to worry about right now. Eli will be fine. He is a very safe driver usually. I don't know how good of a driver he is when he's upset.

Eli did say him and that girl had a fight. Was he so emotionally distraught that he accidently ran her over? Is that why he blames himself for her death…because in reality he actually did in fact kill her? No, Eli would never do such a thing. But if he couldn't tell it was her, it could have been an accident.

"No, stop it, Clare! What are you doing to yourself? You're obsessed, worrying over a boy that isn't even really your friend. And if you are friends it is a really messed up friendship." I heard the voice inside my head go on and on and on…does it ever shut up? No, it doesn't.

I wish I could turn it off somehow, or even walk away like you would do to a real person. But when it is stuck inside your head you can't ever get away from it. "Mom, I'm home!"

"In the kitchen sweetheart, I'm making tacos for dinner. Is that alright?" Why must you ask if that is always alright? Of course it has to be alright, it isn't like you're going to change it after you started making it. Such stupidity.

"Yeah, of course, mom. That sounds perfect." But I had to be a good daughter and respond correctly with politeness. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged my tightly to her. "I know lately has been tough on you, but always know I'm here for you no matter what."

"Good to know. Maybe you can tell me how to get rid of the voices inside of my head filling my brain with nothingness doubt." She sighed with a slight chuckle. It wasn't a "new" thing for me to be hearing things inside my head. Ever since I was little, actually. It is kind of a joke now to my family.

"Sorry, sweetie, my answer is that I still can't help you. Now, why don't you go on upstairs and wash up? Dinner should be ready in about ten minutes. That is, of course, if you want to help me with the tortillas?"

"I think I'll pass. Thanks for the offer though mom." A small laugh escaped her lips before she disappeared further into the kitchen. Even after the talk with my mom, my mind was still wrapped on Eli. This wasn't good, not good at all.

I went upstairs and didn't really do much but place my bag on my floor. I grabbed my cell out of it and plopped down onto the bed. I bent my knees as I let my head rest on my comfy down pillow. I looked at my phone, more like stared, there were no messages from Eli. Not that I really expected there to be.

A short while later I was called down for dinner, which consisted of me and my mom talking about everything and anything. It had been a while since we really just sat and talked. She may get on my nerves sometimes and act kind of strange, but I love her and I love he time I get with her.

We were now set up on the couch eating all you can junk food. It was really a onetime thing in our house, but recently we've been doing it a lot. Now, I know what you're thinking…binge eating. But we aren't it's just nice to pig out now and then. And now we are just making up for lost time over the years.

It was just getting to the good part of the movie when my phone buzzed on the coffee table. My mom immediately paused it, just like she always did whenever one of us got a call during our movie watching time. It was a number I didn't recognize but answered anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Clare? This is Eli's mom." My heart instantly started to pound. I knew something bad was going to happen, I just knew it. He caused an accident, he killed someone, he killed himself. Oh, dear Lord! "Is Eli okay?"

"Well, actually I was just about to ask you if he had left you yet. He hasn't returned home and usually he would call saying he would be late." I looked over at the clock across the room and read the time. It had been three hours since I had been with him.

"No, he isn't here, he actually hasn't been with me for quite some time. He did leave in a hurry. Do you think everything is okay?" I felt my mom's eyes watching my every move, asking questions in her head. I ignored that for the time being.

"I don't know, Clare. But, thank you, we'll call if we hear anything!" She hung up then and all I could do was slowly take the phone from my ear and stare at it. "Honey, is everything, okay? Who was that?"

"That was Eli's mom…he never went home. He's missing."

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><p><strong>So…reviews will make an update. Don't we love this creative circle fanficiton made for us?<strong>


	9. Without You, I Am Nothing

**Here's the next chapter.**

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><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

"Where are you, Eli? Where are you?" I was pacing back and forth in my family's living room. I didn't know what to think, my mind was a jumbled mess. The pacing kept my brain flowing, I was hoping that it would create a spark and tell me where he is.

"Honey, calm down. He'll turn up, I'm sure he's fine. You need to calm down, I don't want you to get so antsy that we have to go to the hospital. Just sit down and think…where would Eli go?" My head was turning with the information my mom was giving.

"I don't know-I don't know where Eli would go! I don't know why Eli wouldn't go home. I don't know him like Adam did! We're kind of friends, I guess but not enough for me to know where he would be at a time like this. Oh, mom, what if something terrible has happened?"

I sat on the couch with my head buried in my legs. I started to shake from the sobs that were escaping my lips. I felt my mom's gentle touch on my back and she started to rub soothing circles. "There, there, Clare. He'll turn up, I promise."

After staying there for a little while longer, I sat up and dried my eyes. It was good to just let it all out, it made me feel so much better. Now I can move onto trying to find him, where would he go? Adam would know at a time like this. He always knew where Eli was. Even if no one else didn't.

**If only he were here.**

I sighed, not wanting to think about Adam at a time like this. He was normally the one that kept all of us sane. Tears sprung back into my eyes at the thought that he isn't here with us. And that got me thinking about Eli, how he would always hold me when I was sad about Adam.

Where the hell is Eli? "Maybe I should try calling his cell again." I muttered to myself as I saw my mom go into the kitchen. Probably going to make me hot tea…why is it that everyone thinks tea will make things better? It's just a beverage; it doesn't have magical healing powers.

"Hello? Ow, goddamn it." My heart raced just at the sound of his voice. He was alive and well, not dead. He wasn't with Adam, he was still with me. That warmed my heart on all different kind of levels. I smiled a bit to myself. "Dude, who is it?"

Oh, I hadn't started talking yet…oops.

"Eli? Where are you? Why didn't you go home last night…is everything okay? Are you hurt? Eli, please, tell me where you are. I can come get you, tell your parents where you are." I said all of that so quickly, in fear that he would hang up the phone.

"It's none of your business where I am. It doesn't concern you, Clare. It doesn't concern anyone. I just need to be alone, so stop calling and don't tell anyone that you talked to me. Just do us both a favor and leave me the hell alone."

I heard the ding come from my phone, telling me that the conversation had ended. Why must he be so difficult? I couldn't take it! He was so intriguing and he just makes you want to love him, and then you do…but every time you get that way he pushes you away.

"Adam, send me a sign. Where is Eli? I know you know…this is important, I need to know where he is. If he's in danger or putting himself into it." I sat there for a moment just waiting for something to happen. Noting did, until…

"Oh, my gosh! I know exactly where he is. Mom, I'm going out for Eli. I know where he is! I'll be back later." I called out, putting on my shoes. I was just about to exit when my mom came up to me.

"Oh, no you aren't. Clare, I know you want to find your friend and help him but it is really late and dark. You cannot go out by yourself at this time of night. It isn't safe, I'm sorry Clare, but you'll have to wait until morning."

"Please mom." Her eyes were full of love as she shook her head again. "Mom, what if you drove me there? I wouldn't be alone, mom, please! He's all I have left."

There was a long pause, and her face looked as if she was actually considering this idea! Which in it of itself was amazing. "Alright, let me grab my purse and we'll be on our way."

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><p><strong>Eli's POV<strong>

I groaned and took another sip of the beer in my hand. It was the last in the bottle, which sucked, but it wasn't like I couldn't open one of the others that I had brought with me. After the last of the beverage went down my throat I threw it at the wall.

So frustrated with myself, is the statement running through my brain. You're such an idiot, Elijah Goldsworthy, she isn't the right girl for you. She's _Clare_. Adam's friend, she's the one you were there for after all of the stuff with Adam. She could never be more than your friend. If she was even that.

I walked up to the kind of wall, that was barely standing up, everything else was just rubble all around me. It probably wasn't the safest place to be, but it sure was pretty. And it was memorable…too many memories if you ask me.

I turned around and slid down the wall. I could feel the tears starting to make their way to my eyes, just thinking about him. How was I supposed to stay strong for Clare and help her, when I was just as weak or weaker as her. It didn't work that way.

I felt sticks and other pokey things poking me in every direction possible, it hurt. But I was liking the pain. It almost made me feel whole. I closed my eyes tightly; I know how stupid I am to think about suicide. I only did one other time, after Julia.

**As you can see I didn't go through with it.**

I sighed and started to crawl on my hands and knees, looking for something sharp. Once I finally found some glass I sat back down. I was glaring at the piece in my hand, it was mocking me. Daring me to just put it to my wrist and slice. So I did, and I would have been successful if it weren't for,

"Eli? Oh, my gosh! Eli, there you are. What are you doing, get that out of your hand. Give it to me." I held on even tighter after hearing Clare's words. Her face coming into the light, I could see her so perfectly now. She looked beautiful, just like always.

"Eli, hand it to me. We can get through this…together. Please, just give it to me." She placed a gentle hand on my wrist and was slowly letting it slide down to my hand. I was loosening my grip with every move she made. She was practically sitting on top of me now, and I just about died.

She finally got a hold of the glass in my hands, and with no force at all she took it out and threw it across the ground. I have no idea where it landed, and I really didn't care either. All that mattered in that moment was Clare and her being right here with me. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and pulled her close.

"Shh, it's alright Eli. Everything will turn around, you'll see. And I'll be with you every step of the way." Her words were so soothing just like her angelic voice. Her whispering into my ear was literally the best thing ever.

I pulled her away just a little bit, just so I could see her perfect face again and the way her curls surrounded it. I smiled at her, and she returned the gesture. I was leaning in closer to her when we heard leaves crunching.

"Clare, honey? Is everything alright?" I saw her mother standing over us and Clare got off of my lap immediately, her face turning red in the process. She turned to me. "Sorry, she wouldn't let me walk here because it was dark. She said it wasn't safe."

"Smart mom. I don't want anything to ever happen to you." I said lightly before looking up at her mom who was studying me very closely. I awkwardly stood up and brushed my pants off, then helped Clare. "Hi, Ms. Edwrads."

I stuck my hand out for her to shake, but she only stared at it before turning to Clare, "Don't be home really late…I assume you have a different ride now."

She walked away then, without even being given an answer. I watched her go and so did Clare with a smile on her face. "So, do I have a different ride, or will I now have to walk home?"

"You always have a ride with me, Clare." She giggled lightly and wrapped her arms around me again. I took in her beautiful scent and smiled in contentment. Things weren't perfect right now, but they were better.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	10. For You And Only You

**FINAL CHAPTER~ **

**I have had a blast writing this for percabeth13! This one is for you.**

_***Two Years Later***_

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><p><strong>Eli's POV<strong>

"Clare, you do realize that you'll eventually have to do this. You can't put it off any longer then you already have. I think you'll feel a whole lot better if you do it too. And then we can celebrate…maybe in the bathroom, or the bedroom?"

Her blue eyes were pleading me not to make her do this…but I knew if I didn't set her down and force her I would hear about it later. And I'm truly not up for one of those fights. She got up from the bar stool, stepping further away from her books and closer towards me.

**This was dangerous, but I loved every second.**

"But, Eli, I love you…please?" I almost gave in, almost, but I didn't. I gave her a small peck on her lips and pushed her back to do her work. "I hate you, Eli."

"I hate you too, now finish so we can do something later…that is if you are a good girl." I whispered in her ear before walking down the hallway. Clare and I were now both out of high school, we decided that it was probably best if we went to the same school.

After that night that I just needed to get away and spend some time to myself, Clare and I had become closer than ever. We talked every night, it didn't even matter what. We'd talk about Adam, the past, the future…and one day I had enough guts to ask her about what she saw in _our _future.

That was the night that we had finally agreed to go out on a proper date to try it on for size. Let me tell you something, it was a disaster. You know those movies where the guy sets everything up perfectly but when his nerves attack his body he just can't think straight?

Yes, unfortunately that was me and that was how our date went that evening. Clare stayed nonetheless, even after I threw up on her. She was actually pretty okay with it, well, as much as one can be in that type of situation.

The next date went better, and the date after that. Sooner then I thought we actually became a couple, and it was the happiest time in my life. I didn't know it until later on, but that's alright. It has been a year and half since all of this happened, and she's still with me.

Living with me to be exact…the reason? Well, it isn't sexy or romantic if that's what you're thinking. We actually did it to save money, we both have jobs and split the costs…or so she thinks. I take her money each month and place it in a shoe box, so now we have an emergency bank.

It wasn't like I didn't make well enough to cover the cost of rent, plus my parents aren't exactly poor so I'm sure if we absolutely needed some they would give us the money. Thankfully, it had never come to that point though.

"Eli? I need help!" I rolled my eyes as she called that out. Of course she needed my help, she always needed my help with her schoolwork. Considering that we are both getting a degree in Creative Writing and I am a grade ahead of her I have taken all of the classes that she is currently in. It was kind of cheating, in a way.

When I entered our living room, I didn't see Clare by her books trying to figure out a problem, oh no…the sight in front of me was very different than anything I had ever seen Clare doing. Clare and I have had, well, you know. So there was no shame in how I saw Clare.

She was undressed, looking into my lustful eyes and silently begging me to not make her do her work. She had never tried this way of persuasion before but I wasn't complaining, and I'm sure she won't either, considering I will not be able to force her back into homework this time.

"How about we do something else now and I can finish that very stupid homework later?" She was walking towards me, her perfect curves taunting me with every step she took towards me. I felt as if I'd drop dead at any given moment.

But I kept my cool and somehow managed to pick her up and take her to our bedroom. This was going to be one night I know I'll never forget.

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><p>We lie there panting, not being able to breathe from the physical attraction that we both just experienced. Sweat was pouring down our bodies, and I could feel Clare's saliva harden on my skin where she had left open mouth kisses.<p>

It was weird and steamy, but beautiful all the same. I wouldn't change a second of it even if I could, this moment with her was absolutely perfect. I felt Clare lie up against me, her head pressed against mine.

"Eli,do you know what tomorrow is?" I sighed and wrapped my arms tightly around her. I really didn't want to think about tomorrow at this time, or ever. But I managed to choke out a "yes" to Clare. "Are we going to-"

"If you want, Clare. I know that Adam would find it stupid, but we haven't gone since last year…and I think it'd be good, don't you? I mean if you don't want to, we don't have to…but I kind of do." Adam Torres was my best friend, and he will always be. He also pointed me to Clare, and for that I am forever thankful.

"Yes, we shall go tomorrow. But right now, I need some sleep." Her tiny yawn came out after her words did. Her eyes started to flutter close as I gave her forehead a kiss. "You have to finish your homework, Clare; you cannot put it off any longer."

She groaned at my reminder. She opened her eyes giving me a glare before standing up off of the bed. Taking every single blanket with her. She turned to the door and marched out of it, as she did I could see her bare backside and the only thought I had was, "how did I get so lucky?".

I shook my head and fell back on the bed as I heard Clare gripe the entire way back to the living room. I smirked to myself knowing that Clare was now in there doing homework _naked_… I tried getting that thought out of my mind, the last thing she needs right now is a distraction.

**And we all know that I'm her biggest one.**

My eyes fluttered open and I turned over with a slight chill taking over my body. I looked down and saw that I was completely naked without a single sheet on me. I turned towards the clock and saw that Clare had been in there for over three hours.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and slowly got out of bed. I walked, more like wobbled, into the living room. I saw Clare now vigorously typing at our island. I walked up behind her and wrapped my two strong arms around her torso.

She giggled lightly and pushed me away. I was suddenly hungry so I walked further into the kitchen and opened the cupboard to get some cereal. When I looked back at Clare her face was flushed. I scrunched my eyebrows together but looked down at myself then realized. "Nothing you haven't seen before."

"You could have put some clothes on." She stated before turning her attention back to her computer screen. I placed the cereal box and my bowl down and went up to her. "I could say the same thing to you."

She shivered at my hushed tone; I knew it always tickled her ear when I whispered into it. Why do you think I did it all of the time? "Well, I would have if someone wasn't so eager to get rid of me to g do my homework! It's your fault, you're such a distraction!"

"Hmm, was it a bad idea to move into together?" I was challenging her, she knew it. I sat my bowl of Frosted Flakes down and leaned towards her and she did the same. She titled her head to the side as she stared at me. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I smirked at her before leaning into kiss her lips chastely, then not so chastely. It got pretty heated before I finally pulled away and told her that she needs to finish her homework. "Can't I be done for today? It's late, and I need my sleep…between homework and _you _I'm exhausted."

I gave her a curt nod before chugging down the last of the milk that was remaining. "Yeah, let's go to bed. We did have quite an eventful day."

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><p>I awoke from the smell of coffee and bacon. It smelled delicious and mouth began to water. I opened my eyes slightly, taking in the very bright sun. I saw that there was no Clare beside me. I practically crawled my way to the kitchen and saw Clare over the stove.<p>

"Oh, hey, you're up! I made breakfast." I blinked a few times, still trying to get used to the light and now Clare's chipper-ness. "Yes, that I can see. You know you didn't have to make us breakfast today."

"Yeah, I know…but if we are celebrating Adam's life today then why not celebrate with his favorite thing? Food!" I chuckled as she stared to plate the pancakes, eggs, bacon, and toast. "Very true, he would have appreciated this very much, I'm sure of it."

"Yes, and since he can't be here with us today I figured we should splurge and eat his portion too! What do ya' think?" She winked at me as she took a seat on the other bar stool next to me. "I think…it is a wonderful idea. But your stomach only handles so much, so I'll eat his portion."

"Oh, I know. It will be such a burden for you to eat more food." I loved Clare for many reasons but one of the things I love most about her is her grasp to my humor. Even when it gets to be a little bit insulting to others. She stays by me no matter what.

"Finish eating, so we can go down there and get it over with." I looked up at Clare after she said this, I noticed that she was only picking at her food not actually eating it. "Clare, if it is too much for you, you don't have to go with me. You can stay-"

"No…no, Eli, he was my friend too, alright? I want to come and see him. I'm important too, you know? You weren't his only friend!" Clare broke down into tears after saying that. I immediately came to the other side of the table and wrapped my arms around her.

She was hesitant at first and didn't respond to my touch, which was normal for Clare when she was upset, but, as always, she reluctantly gave in and cried into me. I rubbed circles on her back soothingly.

I sometimes felt like I needed new methods to make her feel better, since I did the same thing every time. But then every time reminds me that it always work, so why fix something that isn't broken? "I'm sorry, Eli. I'm such an idiot."

"You are not an idiot, Clare. You were upset and it is always good to let it out. Keeping your horrible feelings inside is terrible for you." Her eyes looked up at me pleading like. "Do you want to go visit him right now?"

Her nod was all I needed to rush into the bedroom and put some clothes on. Soon after I was finished so was she, and we were out the door. We got into Morty, yes I still had him, and we were off to the grave site.

Clare's breathing was rough so I held her hand the whole way there. I don't really think it did much though. On an everyday basis Clare stayed stronger than me, but when it came to Adam's birthday, like today, or the day he died. She was a mess.

"Okay, we're here." I announced and unbuckled my seatbelt after turning my hearse off. I noticed Clare's stare in my direction and when my head snapped to hers, I knew that my eyes were correct. "What?"

"You just announced that we were here. Do you think that I cannot tell that we are here? I mean what am I to you, Eli, stupid? Because I'm not and I can clearly see when we get to our destination. You don't have to announce it every time."

She snapped at me before exiting the car in a very rude fashion. My eyebrows scrunched together as my eyes rolled in the back of my head. This was certainly a Clare that I didn't see often, but when she did come out to play- you better hide.

I got out of the car and locked it, before trying to catch up to Clare. Who very much left me in the dust. I came up behind her and grabbed her hand. I squeezed it gently yet tightly, just to let her know that I'm here for her whenever. "I'm sorry."

She looked up at me with those dazzling eyes and made a slight smile escape. Today was a hard day and I had to give the girl a break. She can only do so much sometimes; I constantly had to remind myself of that.

When we came into contact with Adam's grave, we just kind of stood there and watched it. We didn't say a word because there was nothing that really needed to be said. We stood there for over an hour just taking in the surroundings.

It was close to noon by the time we actually left and despite how many times Clare told me she wasn't hungry, her tummy told me otherwise. So, even after the countless times she told me not to, we stopped at the Dot.

We were currently sitting in a booth and I watched her scarf down a BLT sandwich and French fries. I had barely even touched my food, but I did actually eat some of my breakfast earlier. I grabbed her hand across the table and for the first time since she got her food she looked up at me.

I smiled at her, and she smiled right back at me. "You know, Adam was the most amazing friend I could ever ask for. With everything that happened in my past, I don't know- he was the only one who got me. And when he left, he kind of gave me you…and you are the best thing to ever happen to me."

"Yeah, I agree. Without you I have no idea if I would have ever even survived Adam's death, it was hard on me as you know and you were just kind of someone to lean on. Thanks to Adam I knew I always had you." She said.

I smirked at her before continuing, "In a weird way he was right. He did say we would get married someday."

"Excuse me? We are not married! We aren't even engaged!" She exclaimed before popping another one of her fries into her mouth. "No we aren't…at least not yet. But we are together and we live together…and we do things in the bedroom Miss Saint Clare would not approve of."

She stuck her tongue out at me and started to eat the remainder of her meal. I felt the box in my coat pocket, the box I have had for six months and always have on hand just in case the right moment comes. It wasn't right now, and it probably wouldn't be today at all.

But someday will be the right day, and I can't wait until that day comes.

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><p><strong>FINISHED~<strong>

**I feel relieved now that this story is also over with, not that I didn't enjoy writing it, but it is time to move on from my stories and start new ones! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and story. **

**Love ya' guys, reveiew!**


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